Give People What They Need, Not What You Want to Receive: A Journey with the Birkman Method

My first encounter with the Birkman Method dates back 25 years ago, during my corporate career, and I vividly remember it because I was pregnant with my first daughter, Anna. At the time, I was part of a team that worked with a German boss, and the cultural differences were palpable. As a team of Brazilians, we found it difficult to connect with him, and he, in turn, struggled to engage with us. That was when the Birkman Method was introduced to our team—a tool that would go on to significantly shape my approach to leadership, communication, and self-awareness.

 

The Power of Understanding Needs

 

In that initial Birkman session, I learned that leadership is not about giving people what you want, but rather what they need. Birkman helps uncover the hidden needs and stress triggers that drive behavior, allowing us to understand not only how to adapt to others but how to truly support and lead them effectively. I was struck by chow the tool highlighted not just our differences, but also our strengths and needs. This allowed us to improve communication and truly connect with each other. It was an enlightening experience that continues to influence my approach to leadership today.

 

After that session, I had the opportunity to work with colleagues from that same initial Birkman group. Over time, I found myself in roles where I was either their boss or they were mine, and we used Birkman’s insights, particularly around stress modes and individual needs, to improve our communication and create stronger connections. This understanding of giving people what they needed—whether it was a clearer explanation, more autonomy, or simply a listening ear—was transformative.

 

As I advanced in my career and became a leader of larger teams, I continued to use the Birkman Method. I applied it across multiple countries, from Brazil to various parts of Latin America, including Mexico and Costa Rica. Regardless of cultural background, Birkman proved to be an incredibly powerful tool not just for self-awareness but for personal and professional growth. It helped individuals understand their motivations, behavior, and how to adapt in different environments, creating more cohesive and productive teams.

 

The Gift of Self-Awareness and Forgiveness

 

One of the most profound aspects of Birkman, I believe, is its ability to encourage self-forgiveness. We all have areas where we struggle, and the Birkman Method helps you acknowledge those weaknesses without judgment. Instead of feeling defeated by them, it provides the tools to accept ourselves and focus on growth. In my own experience, learning to give myself grace for areas I wasn’t strong in allowed me to better understand what others need from me as a leader. It allowed me to give people what they need, even when it wasn’t what I necessarily wanted or expected in return.

 

Building Better Relationships Through Birkman

 

Five years ago, as I transitioned into coaching, I made the decision to fully certify in the Birkman Method. Since then, I’ve applied it in various settings—from YPO forums, where it fosters mutual support and connection within peer groups, to helping couples gain deeper understanding and improve their daily interactions. The Birkman has been an invaluable tool in building stronger relationships based on mutual awareness of individual needs and behaviors.

 

What stands out most to me is the way Birkman enhances team dynamics. I’ve seen firsthand how it helps teams—both in corporate settings and beyond—achieve remarkable progress by leveraging the unique strengths and needs of each member. In my current work with organizations in Portugal, I continue to be amazed at how the Birkman Method goes beyond expectations, solidifying its place as one of the most effective tools for leadership and communication.

 

The most powerful lesson I’ve learned from using the Birkman Method is understanding our own needs. This self-awareness is critical not only for personal growth but also for career development and for fostering more fulfilling relationships, whether personal or professional. The Birkman has shown me that when we understand what we need and what others need from us, we can create better, more supportive environments, both in our careers and our personal lives.

 

Looking back, I can confidently say that the Birkman Method has been one of the most transformative tools in my life. It helped me design a career and a life that truly align with my values—leading to greater happiness, fulfillment, and success. And ultimately, it reinforced the power of giving people what they need, not what we want to receive.